Things Minnesota Does "Best": Food

The topic of food being brought up in relation to Minnesota, as though the state reigns supreme on the nation's culinary spectrum, is always chill-inducing for me. This is one of those things that I'm sure every state/city does, to an extent, but Minnesota revels in such a narcissistic certainty that they could compete with the likes of other states or cities with legitimately refined, world-known, culturally-based eateries. Once again, it's an example of unabashed pompousness as a way of over-compensating for self-evident irrelevancy in the eye's of it's surrounding 49 states.

So what does Minnesota have to offer, in terms of food? Well, if you were to observe any local media outlet you would surly pick up on what the Twin Cities consider "high end" cuisine, which overall, basically amounts to bar food. Yes, hamburgers. French fries. Onion rings. Club sandwiches. Typically, the more battered and deep-fried the better. The majority of Minnesota's benighted food pride can be be heard during the twelve grueling days of the Minnesota State Fair, where your hunger for grease-soaked junk food is satiated thanks to endless rows of vendors peddling over-priced morsels of trans fat on a stick. One of the largest gatherings of gluttony the country has to offer, in fact.

Other than that, every postage stamp-town, across the board, has their treasured local burger joint where you can "get the BEST burger ever". First of all, I have yet to have the "best burger ever". There is NO "BEST burger ever". It's an entirely subjective statement. I've had decent-to-good burgers in sit-down restaurants, bars, Wendy's, Burger Kings, etc. It all depends how you like your burger patty cooked and what you like on it (cheese, condiments, vegetables...). Or even if you like burgers at all, which not everyone does. I think burgers are fine. I've never had a burger that elicited a reaction that prompted the statement "this is a REALLY good burger", let alone "this is the BEST burger ever". Burgers are just there. In fact, they're pretty much everywhere. Burger options even exist in many ethnic restaurants for people who hate trying new things.

That's not to say Minnesota is completely without other types of food. It's just that Minnesotans generally prefer more familiar types of Americana-placed tactility, as opposed to leaving that 'comfort zone'. This mainly stems from a self-admitted Minnesota trait that has dubbed the state as the "Land of Bland". Another source of bizarre pride, along with the embarrassing "Minnesota nice" phrase, in which locals embrace their weak palates and strive to avoid zesty or spicy sensations in food. The only acceptable flavor is that of grease.

So in a place that boasts of it's burger joints and run-of-the-mill diners above all else and has found complacency, if not overt joy, in rejecting more adventurous and worldly types of food, they have still managed to climb atop a 'high horse' of egomaniacal elitism based on absolutely nothing. It's a complete lie fabricated by the self-importance that the state spews to it's small-minded sheep herds whose ignorance keeps them in the fantasy world of false superiority where they mundanely dwell.

-Flotsam